sweetest

I have the sweetest child ever born. I know that many would argue this opinion, but it is true. I am biased, being her mother and all, but she is amazing.

When I lie on the floor with her while she plays she will periodically crawl over to me and lay her head down on my chest, forehead, leg, etc. I always pat her back, and then she will look up at me and grin. She also does this nearly every morning when she awakes, and she sometimes gives me a kiss in the morning as well. She often crawls on to my lap to have a little snuggle. She has the most delightful personality.

Nora will be 10 months old next week. She is standing alone. She pulls up and crawls, of course. She is waving now. She can give kisses. She is into everything. Nora forgets nothing. She is not one of those babies that you can hide something from. She remembers, and she looks for the object. She is stubborn, a quality that her father and I both share, one of the only qualities we share.

As I was thinking all of these things this morning, I heard my neighbor yelling at her daughter. She has a sweet little two year old girl. This child apparently did not want to go all the way down a flight of stairs to get into a car by herself. The entire idea seems dangerous and unnecessary to me, but I am not her mother. Then, her mother noticed that she had apparently put on shoes that didn't match her outfit. I've heard that this sort of this sometimes happens when two year old children are told to dress themselves, but what do I know about such things? So, this woman then yelled at her daughter, but she didn't just yell. There was hate in her voice as she screamed, "Goddamn it, Riley!"

I cried. I cried for that poor child and all of the things that she has gone through and will continue to go through.

My life is not in the state that I'd like it to be in right now. I am trying to do things to get myself out of the state that I am in, no pun intended (I do want to leave the state). My life is infinitely harder because I have a small child to take care of day in and day out. I do not resent her for this hardship. She did not ask to come into this world. She is a true joy. I do not understand, I cannot grasp no matter how hard I try, why parents take out that sort of anger on a child.

One thing that I have learned thus far is that life is full of choices. Choices are what make life bearable. Those choices have consequences. One has to make the best of those consequences. Sometimes we have to do things that we do not want to do. One choice that I will not make is the choice to resent my child. I will instead suck it up (to use an unfortunate cliche), and do everything in my power to make things better. Things will get better.