Saturday, November 21, 2009

and icy stars glittered...

"Think of all that has happened here on this earth. All the blood hot and strong for living, pleasuring, that has soaked back into it. For grieving and suffering too, of course, but still getting something out of it for all that, getting a lot out of it, because after all you don't have to continue to bear what you believe is suffering; you can always choose to stop that, put an end to that. And even suffering and grieving is better than nothing; there is only one thing worse that not being alive, and that's shame. But you can't be alive forever, and you always wear out life long before you can have exhausted the possibilities of living." (From Go Down Moses in "The Old People")

And that, that is why I love Faulkner. He is right grieving and suffering are better than not being alive. And one cannot help but try to wear out all the possibilities of living, but that list contains an infinite amount of possibilities...

Thursday, November 19, 2009


Regardless of what or how you believe, this series is wonderful. Dale McGowan is opening lines of communication up for lots of people! Take a look:

Wednesday, November 18, 2009


I've slept on it. I wasn't wrong to be honest with my mom. I do feel horrible that she is so worried. It will take a while, and while I don't think she will ever fully understand my point of view, I do think she will eventually accept my decision and my lifestyle. I certainly don't plan to try to change her mind about her beliefs. I respect her beliefs, and I hope that within a few weeks or months she will also come to respect my own beliefs. She is welcome to tell Nora about Christianity when she gets older, as long as there is no threat of burning for eternity in hell.

Basically, I wish I hadn't worried my mother so much, but I feel relieved to get the information out in the open.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

As much as I'd like to think that always telling the truth is the right thing to do, I can honestly say that there are moments (though few and far between) that it is best to just tell people what they want to hear. In my case it wasn't so much what someone wanted to hear; it was what she needed to hear.

Telling one's worrisome mother that you no longer believe in the things that she taught you to believe in is not a great idea. I do believe a lot of the things that she's taught me, but I just cannot believe in Christianity any longer. I didn't just come out and shove that information in her face, but when she asked, I told her the truth.

I am now dealing with a very melancholy and concerned woman.

My mom is an amazing lady. I've now given her more to worry about with two sentences than I've given her to worry about with all of the "sins" that I've committed over all the years of my life...

Why in the world am I stupid enough to be so fucking honest...