Thursday, February 4, 2010

the goal

"Man is equally incapable of seeing the nothingness from which he emerges and the infinity in which he is engulfed." -Blaise Pascal

The ideas surrounding this statement are simply wonderful. Man does emerge from nothing, does he not? Even from a very literal point of view this is true. Before pregnancy there was nothing there; in Christianity Mary was a virgin; therefore, Jesus would come from nothing. God also comes from nothing, if nothing existed before God. (The arguments following that logic are tedious.) This holds true in other aspects of life, etc.

This idea, this statement had a reminiscing effect for me. I did come from nothing. I am engulfed in something so vast it cannot be comprehended, in infinity. It is a nice reminder of one's insignificance. I don't mean that I'm insignificant in an emo, I-think-I'll-go-die sort of way, either.

We all get so caught up in our own little microcosms that we forget others are suffering or celebrating something just as monumental (if not more so) in their own lives. When one thinks of birth and death as something less personal, something that everyone and everything (corporations not included, har har) must experience it becomes a connecting force. We are all connected, if only because we all emerged in the same ways, and we are all engulfed in the same thing.

The disconnect present in a world that is so connected is disheartening, to say the least. The more that I seek such things, the more that I try to connect with the energies and natural things around me, the more noticeable this disconnect becomes, yet because of that fact I find myself pushing even harder to find this real connection and existence. One that I can truly be proud of, one that I can look back on to see that I've actually "stopped one heart from breaking" (see Emily Dickinson).

I've many a goal, but that's it, that's the one, put concisely.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

ole' Bill

I'm sure you've all heard about the Baptists in Haiti who tried to take Haitian children into the Dominican Republic. I know that these children need help, and if I could somehow get to Haiti and do anything to help, I'd be on the next plane. But, that is silly, since I know nothing about how to help in this sort of situation, I have no money to get there, and I can't speak the language, etc. I digress.

I feel like ole' Billy Faulkner summed it up quite well in Sanctuary when he said, "They're just Baptists!" And that is exactly how I feel about this situation. They're only Baptists; clearly, we can't expect much rationality or sense at all to come from them.


It has recently occurred to me that Nora is going through her last clingy phase. There is no denying that her favorite word of the moment is "Mama." At times this gets frustrating, like when I need to get something out of the oven, and she doesn't understand why I am so serious about her staying back. But, it makes me quite sad when I think of how independent she is out side of this phase. I know that soon she'll be done with me, and I'll never be quite this awesome again. She'll soon realize just how much more she knows, and that I am out of touch with reality. I assume that will be in full effect by age eleven, at the latest; I expect it will begin around age two...

I suppose I'll just soak it up while I'm still the bee's knees. Soon this will be over, too soon.

Sunday, January 31, 2010


“We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, constellations.”

- Anais Nin

There is a connection. Many seem to have forgotten that we're all connected in some form. We've been slowly losing touch with that connection to each other, to nature. Now the process has quickened. I feel like one's quality of life is directly connected to how he or she treats others and how he or she treats nature. It's all connected. We are made up of layers, cells, and constellations. It's all there lurking. It seems the more society withdraws from a natural lifestyle, the more unhappy that society becomes.

Earth is beginning to revolt. She'll win.