Thursday, July 23, 2009

Yes Yes

when God created love he didn't help most
when God created dogs He didn't help dogs
when God created plants that was average
when God created hate we had a standard utility
when God created me He created me
when God created the monkey He was asleep
when He created the giraffe He was drunk
when He created narcotics He was high
and when He created suicide He was low

when He created you lying in bed
He knew what He was doing
He was drunk and He was high
and He created the mountians and the sea and fire at the same time

He made some mistakes
but when He created you lying in bed
He came all over His Blessed Universe.

-Charles Bukowski


I've no energy today. It is as though the breath has been knocked from my body. I've crashed to the ground. Life is cruel today. No matter how hard I work to avoid this melancholy, it follows me like a ravenous dog, wanting what little I have left to sustain myself.
As I said last night... Things that were once shining in technicolor are now fading to gray.

Monday, July 20, 2009


There are a lot of things that I'd like to articulate right now. Sometimes the words just do not come. I am weary with the feelings of being out of place. I'd like to find my niche. I dream of living this simple life, but my life is very far from being simple. At times, I have trouble dealing with the fact that I can't live the I'd like to live. I know that I day is coming when I will be able to do so, but right now that day seems so far away. Everything is difficult, and I long for a least one aspect of my life to be simple. It is strange that I am trying my hardest to choose a simple life style, a less materialistic lifestyle, yet these choices are not simple ones. It is harder to live that sort of life in the U.S. This is very confusing to me. I don't understand why, in a nation that is supposed to be full of freedom, it is so difficult for me to live the type of lifestyle I'd like to lead.
Why do I have to pay more for food that costs less to produce? Why is it that organic food is double the price when the other companies are using more money to tamper with their foods? Why do I have to pay more for soap with ingredients whose origins I know? Why is soap that is filled with chemicals cheaper? Why isn't anyone else asking these questions? Why am I a "hippie" because I want to live naturally? Why are herbal remedies often harder to find and more expensive than medicines?
It can be difficult not to become downtrodden about these issues. I am holding my ground. I feel good about my choices. I feel like I am leading a life that I can be proud of; I am making choices that I will not regret. I often hear people say that they are doing all that they can do to help out with the environment and economy, but I know it isn't true. It irritates me when others act like they are trying, but they aren't. Buying a couple of "green" products does not do anything. These so-called "green" products are packaged in plastic, and they are producing as much waste as they are saying they are destroying.
It hurts me to see that no one questions anything any more. People believe whatever it is that they are told. It does not make sense to me to not ask why. I don't understand why people do not question the opinions of others, but instead they take them for the truth. I want to find my own answers. I want to come up with my own ideas and thoughts. I will not change my opinion to better fit with yours, so please grant me the same courtesy.
Again, damn the Bible belt.