not

It wasn't supposed to be like this. This is not how I planned for things to go. I didn't think that I would ever have to hire a lawyer to ensure the custody of my child. Even when I unexpectedly became pregnant, I didn't think that things would end up this way. I thought that I would finish college, eventually marry my child's father, and live happily ever after. This was not supposed to happen.

But, where is it written that a fairy-tale ending must be present for happiness to occur? Why is it that I have to have a knight in shining armor rescue me to be content? Someone tell me why women feel like they must have some sort of a man to be happy. I am going to be my own knight.

People keep saying, "You will find someone who makes you happy." What does that mean? Why do I have to find anyone? Why is there this constant search for happiness? I can make myself happy. I can take care of myself. There is not some enchanted being out there waiting to make me happy. If I am not content with myself, how will I ever be content with another? Why does society push this goal upon a woman?!

I spoke with my grandmother about ending my relationship with Nora's father. She felt like it was a good decision. She then told me a story about a girl who also ended a relationship in a similar way. She said, "Now her daughter is two, and she met this nice guy who is just crazy about both of them. They got married last year, and now she is pregnant. They were at church last week, and he was so sweet to her." Blah, blah, blah. It is like the only option for my life is to eventually find some man who will accept my child, so that I can then have more babies. This is clearly the only way to be happy; this is the only way to live out a full life: be married, have kids, go to church. You know the story. It is the original American dream

So many people are stuck in this situation. It is as though that life is the only option. It may be an option. And, if it happened to me, I might be extremely happy in that sort of situation, but why is it that people, women more especially, feel like it is the only option? Why can I not be happy as a single woman and mother? Where is this rule written!? And why, why is it that going to church is always magically involved? "They met at church," "I saw them at church."

Damn the Bible belt.