..rant

The paper looms. I've written barely two hundred words. It is due tomorrow. I get off work at 8:00 p.m. Let me clarify though, I work in a fitness center which basically puts me sitting in front of a computer, with little else to do. I've been here for five hours now. I've written two hundred damn words. I have no excuse. I take it back; I have excuses, but they aren't legitimate ones.

There is nothing challenging about this class. Which is the very reason that I should be making A+'s on every fucking test and assignment, instead I find myself zoning off during class. It is a senior/graduate level class, but it is at what I'd call a sophomore level. We skim the surface of the works; the professor simply explains what is on the surface of the poetry. We do not delve and questions which do so are not properly answered. Yet, instead of rising above, I find myself sinking.

I do research on other very unrelated topics. I find amusing blogs to scroll through. I make phone calls. I proof-read papers for other people. I write letters. I click a pen.

This is true procrastination.

Who in their right mind takes a class about 16th century literature? More to point, what religion-hating moron takes a class about that subject? It's all about religion. Are the protestants right? Are the Catholics right? Maybe they should all kill each other to figure it out. In their spare time they can sit around and write sonnets about not having sex and courtly rules. Let the fun times begin. After we read this riveting material, we come to class to hear the professor lecture to us about how much more intelligent people used to be, how amazing this shit is, even though most of it sounds exactly the same. She even reads the text verbatim at times.

I can now name the seven deadly sins. Try not to be too jealous.

secrets

I've been feeling quite overwhelmed. School is increasing it's pace, and although this semester is much simpler that the subsequent ones, I fear that my natural tendency to procrastinate is only getting worse because of the lack of difficulty. The bright side of my procrastination is that I've read 2 1/2 novels, and various bits of philosophy and myths since school began. I mean, that I've read that outside of the required reading. I almost don't know what to do with myself as far as reading is concerned. It's really quite thrilling.

I've been meeting and getting to know a few new people lately. For that I am grateful. It's really amazing what you discover about yourself through conversations with others. Besides meeting new people, I've also been lucky in that I'm truly beginning to realize just what it means to love. It's really wonderful, and I feel like I am receiving privileged information. In many ways, I am. It's like I have this secret that only a handful of people have truly been privy to, and I am reveling in it.

My child has done her fair share of teaching me lately as well. I've learned how precious and fragile life truly is, and though I thought it'd be many years before I ever considered having a child, that little love child of mine, she is amazing. I can't begin to explain the intricacies of life that I've learned from being a parent. It isn't always joyful, but it is always rewarding. Here again, I know I'm privy to some secret that everyone doesn't fully hear.

porn for women

When I saw the book, Porn for Women, I immediately got the humor. As I flipped through the book, my feminist insticts began to find it more and more appalling. Sure, women tend to do most of the housework, cooking, etc. But, does that mean that women are suddenly uninterested in sex!? I don't partake in watching porn, because I find it to be degrading of both sexes, but this book is completely ridiculous. I was reminded of how ridiculous it is today when I saw this:

a routine

Every morning that I get to stay at home with my daughter, Nora, we do the same thing. We'll get up, slowly. Making up some sort of game lying in bed. I'll tickle her or try to get her to say "morning" one more time. It comes out more like, "maw-in" or something of the sort. She gets out of bed first. Then we stroll into the kitchen. She usually eats a banana with her cheerios. After all the preparations, we go into the living room. I have my chai tea and she has her cereal. We're still rubbing our eyes. Then we sit side by side eating out breakfast in the rocking chair. This is the same rocking chair that my mom rocked me in. I am always wishing that someone were there to take a photo. My camera has a timer, but that simply wouldn't cut it. There we'd be with our big blue eyes and messy hair, eating cheerios, mine with milk, hers dry. These are some of my favorite moments. I hope she continues to want to eat breakfast with me for years to come.

being the genius that he is..

Tom Robbins has given me something to think on this morning. I decided that it would be nice of me to share it with whomever happens upon my tiny corner of the blog world. In Another Roadside Attraction he shows the reader two characters discussing science and mysticism (within a few pages around the middle of the novel). One is a mystic and one is a scientist. The scientist has little to say, but this is what the mystic points out.

"...if you find a conflict in science and mysticism, may I suggest that you do not deny the latter the objectivity you grant the former... Scientists, I suspect, operate on chance more often than they'd care to have us laymen discover."

She later says this about romantics, "Can't you understand that romanticism is no more an enemy of science than mysticism is? In fact, romanticism and science are good for each other. The scientist keeps the romantic honest, and the romantic keeps the scientist human."

Study those observations a while.

Side note:
Daniel Quinn has given me so much to think about with his novel Ishmael that I can't even begin to quote it. I'd have to type out the entire novel, and I believe that is illegal. This book completely changed the way that I view the world. I'll be beginning another of his works soon. All I can do is recommend that you read it, then pass on how amazing it is to someone else.