cheerio

I'm in London.. feeling lonely and overwhelmed. America knows nothing of history, and I can tell this even though I've barely seen this city. Time alone may be difficult to come by.. with in one minute of being in the room.. the television came on and all peace went off. Shows and museums and libraries await.

purely

Over the years, I've received many gifts. The most important gifts are the ones which are intangible or those which bring an intangible meaning with them. The gifts I've received of late are the best I've ever received. The gifts given not out of obligation but out of love are the most important.

Today I watched as Nora became overwhelmed at the number of gifts she received. While the gifts did have a tangible value, they were given out of pure love. But, more important than that was the joy received in watching her open these gifts. She is a true joy, and that smile breaks my heart.

Christmas is not my favorite holiday, but when a gift is given purely, it is a lovely thing.

Lately I've been happy to see my library grow along with my mind and my heart.

free

It is official. I am now an undergraduate.

It scares the hell out of me. Of course, I won't get the diploma until May, but I'll keep myself busy with graduate studies until then.

In the past few years, I've learned what the word "stress" actually means. I've also learned how to communicate fully. I am still trying to learn how to listen without excitedly stating my point of view at inappropriate times.

I've learned that putting everything on the line, when done with pure intentions, is always worth it. I am now beginning to fully understand what a truly good man looks like, and it is an incredible sight. I've learned that being honest is not always easy, but in the end making the decision to be honest is well worth it, even while working through the consequences.

I understand that my soul can be cleansed with the tears of another or the laughter of my child.

I know that not watching television is one of the best decisions I've made to date. I know that good novels and poems have likely been edited over and over again. I've learned that books affect my life and thoughts more than any other form of art.

I've learned that following through with stated intentions can be very difficult and very rewarding. I know that patience is a virtue I with which I will always struggle. I have a dry sense of humor. Being an English major has completely changed the way I look at the world; this can probably be said of any field of study.

I know that I will always be a bit unfriendly. I will doubtless always incorporate the words of those that I admire into my own vocabulary.

I know that when I made the decision to live by the words: "If I can stop one heart from breaking, I shall not live in vain" (Dickinson), I made a damn fine decision. While I may only be able to help heal one heart or stop one heart from breaking, I hope to touch the hearts of many.

I don't know who decided that I deserve a degree, a title, but I think that person made a good decision. Pardon my gloating, please.

loves/hates

Loves

1. old fashioned #2 pencils - I don't believe there is anything better than writing with a pencil that actually has to be sharpened. There is something about it that just makes me feel more creative.

2. The sound of the fan as I drift off to sleep...

3. A novel which leaves a lasting impression on me, like Light in August or Skinny Legs and All.

4. Anticipation. I don't know if anticipation about an upcoming event or the event itself is better. Yes I do; the payoff is totally better, but the build-up is so wonderful.

5. Using Faulkner words: lugubrious, braggadocio, effluvium, etc.

Hates

1. Monsanto

2. Moving just before Christmas and in the middle of finals - That's right I am tackling 2 large papers, finals, a one-year old, and moving all in one week. Try not to be jealous.

3. People who think that their animals are like their children. Did you give birth to that dog? No you didn't? Then shut up!!

4. Moby Dick - Actually, I just hate Herman Melville in general.

5. The phrase "I know, right!?"

Dickinson

If you were coming in the fall...

If you were coming in the fall,
I'd brush the summer by
With half a smile and half a spurn,
As housewives do a fly.

If I could see you in a year,
I'd wind the months in balls,
And put them each in separate drawers,
Until their time befalls.

If only centuries delayed,
I'd count them on my hand,
Subtracting till my fingers dropped
Into Van Diemen's land.

If certain that when this life was out,
That yours and mine should be,
I'd toss it yonder like a rind,
And taste eternity.

But now, all ignorant of the length
Of time's uncertain wing,
It goads me, like the goblin bee,
That will not state its sting.

-Emily Dickinson